


Dear N

by Trubbishly



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Mostly just sad, POV First Person, do you ever just regret joining a cult, it's real Rood hours, sorta angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 10:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18150656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trubbishly/pseuds/Trubbishly
Summary: (First-person) Rood reminisces about his time spent raising N and how he wishes he could've helped him more.





	Dear N

**Author's Note:**

> I have a huge soft spot for real dad Rood ahaha. He's such a minor character, but I adore him, alright? Beard man just wants the best for N.

I will never forget the day I first met you, N. How could I? Of all the things I expected from my intellectual journey, a timid forest boy hiding beneath a kitchen table was not one of them. Reading books, stimulating conversations, travel. Ghetsis had offered it all to us. My curiosity could not resist. I was a tired, but restless soul at that age. Dreams of seeing the world beyond my homeland blinded me. But, a child? Certainly none of us could have predicted this challenge.

Even Gorm and Bronius, in all their inexperience with children, could tell you were not in the best shape. Far from it. A bone thin child looked back at us with bulging, wild grey eyes from behind a fringe of matted hair. Dirt clung to your skin and clothes. You clutched the leg of the table and observed us with a feral sort of fear. I could have never imagined how big, how tall you would become.

Just like a meowth, you hated water. The first thing the three of us could think to do was clean you. You were an awful mess, after all. Ghetsis had abandoned Gorm, Bronius, and I in favor of other chores, and we were left to our “intellectual task”. It was hard enough catching you. You were always nimble. And you packed quite a bite. All of your caretakers received plenty of bitemarks in those days.

We barely managed to clean your face with all your kicking and biting and screaming before you took off without your shirt. You hated all the clothes except the ones Ghetsis found you in. And oh, did you scream when we washed them for you. I’m sure they smelled too clean. Not like home. I’m glad at least the pokemon that raised you were there too. That’s the one decision of Ghetsis’ I can agree with, as much as I dislike admitting it. I can’t imagine the toll separating a feral child from his most beloved companions would be. You would’ve never trusted us. And yet, deep down, a part of me wishes you never had.

Ghetsis gathered more people to help us. Heaven knows, we needed it. You were quite the troublemaker. He brought us our first members and your two dear sisters, Anthea and Concordia. Those two were gentle and well-behaved, if not shy. We needed not worry about them. Yes, you were truly our main problem. We saw you then as a problem to be solved, an intellectual project to prove our own worth. I can only call myself ashamed. Ghetsis convinced us to take care of you this way.

“Can you raise the perfect person?”

Of course, we were captivated by this opportunity. Not only that, if we succeeded we could bring about peace. We would place you at the head of this country, and we would be able to see the legendary dragons with our own eyes. To think, we called ourselves intellectuals. Geniuses. We were only fools. I was a fool, and for that, N, I am deeply sorry.

After we finally got you to keep a shirt on, our next task was to teach you to speak. It took a good long while. Ghetsis grew impatient quickly. Despite your feisty temperament and all your snarling, you were quiet. If you weren’t screeching, you would watch everyone silently with big curious eyes. Simple movement of light on the floor could amuse you for hours. No matter how much we spoke to you, you would only stare blankly or ignore us completely in favor of chewing on a toy block. We kept hoping. Perhaps he learned to speak before he was abandoned? Maybe he didn’t know how to start talking again? But, I think you were waiting. You were testing us, weren’t you? You smiled at the air as we read softly to you. You were such a gentle, trusting child.

We began to give up. Eight months without a word, without a sign that you cared. Ghetsis was starting to think of other projects. He brought in three new children, all completely identical. That was his own special project, one he barely spoke of. He told us to focus on you, to give you one last chance. I fear what he would have done to you if you hadn’t spoken. Hopefully only to return you to your forest home. Perhaps his plans may have been less malicious in those days. But perhaps, I’m wanting too much from him. The other sages were growing bored, but I was adamant. You could speak. I needed you to. I wanted our project to work so much. I wanted the world to be at peace, and I wanted to be at the front of it. 

“Zowa.”

You looked up from the book you were observing upside down.

“Zowa. Wan. Wan zowa.”

I nearly shouted through the roof of the mansion. The other sages came running. All but Ghetsis watched you speak. You were almost in tears because of how we crowded you.

“Zowa! I wan zowa!” you cried.

Your zorua friend came running in between our ankles, snapping. She jumped into your arms, licked your face, and you began to laugh. The two of you were the best of friends. I’m glad at least she was always there for you. The pokemon were always there for you. I wish I could have done better, N. The least I can do is not let you regret everything alone. 

Everything after that felt like a blur. Finally, we were able to teach you. We were ecstatic. Gorm was in charge of teaching you sciences. Bronius taught you literature, and I taught you math. Your father taught you history. I’m sure you know by now how glaringly he stretched it. Zinzolin was later brought on to teach you foreign language. We expected your education to be a long, slow ride. After all, you seemed keen on ignoring us before. Nothing could have prepared us for, well, you.

You were, you are an absolute genius, N. We were in shock. You took to reading almost immediately. Once you got into math, you accelerated. By the age of eleven, you could do calculus. We had to bring in Giallo to teach you physics, and you all but overwhelmed him with enthusiasm. I didn’t realize how intelligent you were early on. I taught you at my own pace and you began to get bored. You would fiddle with your paper or look off into space. You would often come to me after tutoring to ask for more questions. I was astounded.

What was also astounding was the castle. The first few floors were already built when Ghetsis moved base. It was gigantic. I couldn’t possibly imagine how much money it cost, but I only questioned it momentarily. I wish I questioned more. I was taken in by it. It was vast and shining. You and zorua tore through the halls in your socks, screaming and laughing as your sisters chased you. And then there was your room. It was big, far bigger than any normal child’s room. But N, I should’ve known by then you were no normal child. I told you you were a very lucky, spoiled boy and laughed. I thought it was a room fit for a king. A room fit for a king, indeed, but not the kind I expected.

Things fell into a cycle after that. Your classes were well organized, as were my tasks. Your sisters played with you and did their chores. The triplets trained. None of us had time for anything else. As it was supposed to be. Ghetsis gave you a new pokemon almost every day it seemed. I barely noticed how much more you talked to me than the others, how tired you looked every morning. It took me too long to realize you were suffering. But one day, I finally woke up from our dream. I woke up far earlier than Ghetsis and the others liked.

“Don’t get attached to that boy, Rood,” Ghetsis would warn me. 

I hadn’t really thought about how attached I was until he told me that. As a teacher, I had taught many students before you. But never one so unique, and not for so long. I had seen you in your worst and best moments. You’d chewn up my shoes, and told your zorua to chew up my shoes. We had shared many meals together, and I would sneak sweets to you during lessons. 

“I’m not getting attached, don’t worry. I’m just his tutor,” I said before walking away to think about it some more.

From that point on, I tried to avoid you outside of lessons. Was Ghetsis right? You were just an experiment, and ideal to be created. I needed to stay away from you for my own well-being. I can’t believe I was still worrying more about myself. You were just a child. But I couldn’t avoid you, you were so curious and always asking questions. 

“How tall is a real train?” “How high up can we go in the sky before running out of oxygen?” “Why is Zinzolin always angry?”

You were just a child. I began to understand how strange all of this was. A giant underground castle, a secret rebellion. Predestined fate, the type that was placed on the shoulders of just one child. An army of liberators walking around in medieval garb. It felt like forever since I’d sat quietly behind my school desk, wondering what dinner I’d make in the microwave when I got home. We were living in a fantasy, N. I became terrified. But I knew you had nothing to base reality off. Fantasy was your reality. You always have me worried now that you’re out there. N, how is reality treating you? I pray it’s treating you kindly.

Your sisters would always worry about you. They are still worrying about you to this day. Back then, they were too afraid to speak up. Like all the children Ghetsis brought in, they had unusual powers too. As you know, they were healers. A very appropriate power when dealing with you and all the injured pokemon Ghetsis would bring in. Anthea was always a mild, sweet girl. But Concordia grew into a feisty spirit, despite her kindness to you. She would rant and rave and spewed no shortage of curses in my and some of the other sage’s presence. Yet, neither of them could speak up to your father. Who could? We knew of his power, his influence, the monstrous pokemon that he hid away. No one knew what he would do to us if we stepped out of line. But, we all knew it would be harsh.

The triad were as loyal to Ghetsis as your sisters were to you. When you were very young, they used to tease and play with you in the great halls. You would play a king and they your guards. Do you remember that, N? It was so long ago. You were all innocent then. I’m not sure what Ghetsis did to them, but they lost faith in you quickly. Wherever they are now, I wish the best for them. I hope one day they can see themselves as individuals, and separate their identities from that manipulative man. I know it will be a hard journey. Just like yours, I’m sure.

You grew quickly, or so it seemed in our fantasy underground. Perhaps you grew even faster than my beard. Your voice changed and deepened. You grew tall, taller than me, and lost your baby face. Really, I never imagined you’d grow so tall. Physically, you grew strong from all the frightened, angry pokemon you confronted. Sometimes you’d sweep me or your sisters off our feet. And sometimes you’d do that to unsuspecting grunts. Don’t worry, I think they appreciated it.

You learned more and more, and as you did you grew restless. You dreamed of bigger things beyond your room, beyond the castle. I was pummeled with your questions as time went on. Some of them were silly, or simple, or absurd.

“No, N. You did not come from an egg.” “Yes, the sky really does change colors.” “What do you mean ‘are cars regular’?”

But, as the time came for your crowning and for the awakening of your dragon, your questions grew bleak. You were always very metaphorical. Maybe it’s because you read so much, but you explained things in flowery, scientific ways that were difficult for us to understand. However, it was such a big part of your personality that if you didn’t talk like that, I’d be worried. And still, you continually frightened me in new ways.

I remember one day in particular. It was a while after you had met the trainer that would lead you towards a path far better than the one I and my fellow sages offered you. Word had gone around that you were feeling unwell. You would speak to no one. Out of worry, I decided to pay you a visit. You were sitting quietly in your room playing sullenly with your train tracks. Before I said a word, you looked in my direction.

“This toy truck does not fit on the train tracks. See?”

You put the truck you were holding onto the train track. It was too wide to sit securely. Only one side could fit its wheels within the track. The toy looked far smaller than I remembered in your hands. It hurt me, but I had to remind myself again and again that you were a grown man. The little boy I had raised was little no more.

“Look at it. It cannot fit on a track made for trains.” You paused and observed the truck sadly before choking out, “So, is everyone else a train?” 

I was dumbfounded at first. I did not understand you, but in the silence I worked it out. A pain filled my chest and throbbed against my head. In that moment, I understood far more than just your words. I realized the pain of your alienation, for which we were the cause. And that, no matter what path you chose, I would support you. I could avoid the facts no longer. N, I saw you as my own child. 

When we received the news that the Dark Stone had been found, you were elated. You snapped back to your passionate self. Overflowing with intensity, you were bubbling to the brim with obsession. I had never seen you so steadfast, so determined. You marched into Dragonspiral tower with your followers behind you like a true king. I wanted to be proud, and I was. But, I was also terrified. What was this person we had raised?

You joked happily among us sages as we picked our way through the ruins. The place was crumbling and ancient, yet virtually untouched. The inside had been sealed off for centuries. Thinking back on it, I feel as if it should’ve stayed that way. It was a haunting place.

“I wonder how Zekrom will feel about me?” you wondered out loud. “Perhaps my ideals are not strong enough and I will be electrified to a crisp.”

“Oh, are you frightened, Lord N?” mused Zinzolin.

“Not at all! Not at all,” you laughed back.

I’m sorry N, but I could not believe your facade. I did not want to believe it. I hated how much I had to remind myself you were only human. I did not want to believe in this messiah business anymore.

To all of our relieves (including yours), the dragon did not electrify you, although your hair looked rather frazzled after the awakening business. I didn’t see it myself. But I heard it. It was tremendous, earth-shaking. Cracks of lightning tore through the sky. Static filled the air. My heart skipped a beat. All the grunts clutched themselves in the tension. Lord N, did you... were you-

Yes, you survived. We saw you fly away towards the castle in preparation for the upcoming battle with the champion. As we left, your trainer friend and her companions pushed by in a hurry after what they had seen. They look terrified. I sympathized, perhaps a bit too much. No matter how this mission ended, no one would feel like a winner. Both sides would be miserable. I stuffed my thoughts down. My guilt would drown me if I thought about it anymore. 

Besides, I had your future as king to look forward to. I started to feel prideful again for just a moment.

When we entered that quiet calm before the storm, your sisters came rushing through the hall to my studies one evening. They were frazzled and distraught. Both of them looked terribly tired.

“It’s Lord N,” Concordia cried. “He’s having a fit.”

“It was something Ghetsis said,” Anthea noted angrily, wiping her eyes before her tears could spill out. “I don’t know what it was but I swear, I swear...”

“Oh dear. Girls, lead the way, quickly!”

We hurried away to you. Of course, they led me to your room. It was always your room. You were always hidden away in there, no matter your mood. Especially when you weren’t behaving. Ghetsis made sure of it then. As you aged, the place began to disgust me. I was repulsed by it, and in this moment I was repulsed even more.

The girls stood back by the door nervously. It seems they had already tried to help you. So, I nervously went in on my own. I could only remember the obsessive look in your eyes at the tower. I was cautious upon entering, and a dart was promptly launched in my direction. It lodged itself with a thunk into the doorframe beside my head.

“GO AWAY!” you shouted, and then more quietly, more brokenly, “please!”

N. I’m sure you hate to recall this moment. When I think of it, how vulnerable you were, I can almost imagine your embarrassment. It’s not a fond memory of mine, N, I can assure you. But it is an important one. It reminds me of many things. Of our mistakes, both yours and mine. And of your humanity. 

I was frightened by your close miss, but I took a breath and allowed myself to take another step into your room. Apparently, this had offended you. You let out a roar and clawed at your face.  
“Get away from me! I order you! This...this IS AN ORDER!” you jabbed a finger violently towards the door before covering your face again. “You may not see me like this. You cannot!”

“Lord N,” I informed quietly, “may I remind you I’ve known you since you were small. I’ve seen you like this plenty of times.”

“I am not small! I am not a child!” you wailed, shaking your fists before turning from me. You marched to the closest wall and put your head against it. You covered your ears and declared, “I’m an adult! I am...I am a KING!”

“Lord N” I said again. “Did Ghesis say something to you?”

You were silent for a moment. Trembling, you removed your hands from your ears and returned them to the wall.

“What does it matter? What does it matter?” you muttered.

“You don’t need to take everything he says to heart. Trust me, that would be tiring.”

You let out one harsh laugh before sinking down the wall. Head in your hands, it took me a moment to notice you had begun to cry. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I slowly inched closer. I was terrified by the muffled sound of your sadness. No, not because of you, N. I was frightened by the endless pressure we had placed on your shoulders. I was scared to know the reason for your tears, despite already knowing.

“Lord N, you can tell me what is wrong,” I whispered when I arrived beside you.

“What am I doing?” you said, trying to wipe away the tears that continued to flow. “Am I doing the right thing?”

I was shocked into silence. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t tell you the truth.

“What if...what if I don’t want this? Do I want this?” you sniffled. “Do I really…”

I only knelt down beside you. That’s all I did, N. I merely sat there in silence. No more words. No more comfort.

“It’s too late. It’s too late, I’ve run out of time.”

Oh, N. I wish I had told you something then. I wish I had told you that you had all the time in the world. That no matter how this ended, you did your very best, and that it would okay. All of us, your sisters, your followers and I, we’d still love you. I wish I could’ve said you didn’t have to be king. Because you don’t. That never should have mattered. I hope you’ve figured that out now.

I’m sorry for all that N. It’s no wonder you left. We all look like a bunch of liars don’t we? We are. It’s the truth. Our denial and reluctance cost all of us. But it hurts me to think, because you lost to that trainer that day, that you may believe we no longer care about you. We do, N. We do. And we are waiting for you. If you ever wish to return to us, we will be waiting with open arms.  
And if you decide never to look at our faces again, then I respect that choice.

I saw you the other day in the distance. Up in the sky, a black dragon flew above the icy remains of the forest Ghetsis and his pawns had destroyed. I knew it was you. Your followers and I were overcome with joy. You confronted your father didn’t you? N, I am so proud of you.

No matter what Ghetsis said to you that day, no matter how he thinks of you now, you are one of the most incredible people I’ve ever been lucky enough to know. You’ve grown up into a kind and wonderful man, I’m sure of it. And N, even though you are not the king your father wanted you to be, nor the person you expected to become:

You will always be my son.


End file.
